Welcome to the fifth and final part of this course. Today, I'll show you how to gently help your beloved baby or toddler learn to sleep through the night.
By now, you should have completed four key steps:
- You've (hopefully) kept a sleep log for a few days and discovered your child's sleep patterns.
- You've established a daily rhythm that supports your child's natural bio-rhythm — especially an earlier, consistent bedtime.
- You've created a loving and peaceful bedtime routine that you now follow each evening in the same order.
- Your little one has already become gently familiar with new, calming sleep habits.
These four steps are, in my experience, an essential foundation before moving on to step five. Only then can we help your child learn to sleep through the night in the gentlest and fairest way possible.
The Connection Between Falling Asleep and Staying Asleep
The key to sleeping through the night is helping your baby or toddler fall asleep without your direct help. Why? Because the way your child falls asleep at bedtime is exactly what they will want and expect when they wake up during the night.
When your baby wakes between sleep cycles and realizes that you're gone, the movement has stopped, or the pacifier has fallen out, they'll fully wake up and demand the same sleep aid they used earlier. Learning to fall asleep independently is the key to any sleep learning approach.
A Note on Expectations for This Course
Sometimes parents write to me and say: "Hey Sarah, your course didn't help." And yes, of course, that can happen.
There are many reasons babies struggle with sleep, and this foundational course isn't designed to solve every sleep issue completely. It's not comprehensive, and it's not tailored to each individual child. That's something our other programs can do far better.
That said, we've seen again and again that a surprisingly high percentage of families report better sleep by the end of this course — because we focus on the most common causes of sleep challenges. Sometimes small changes in bedtime, awake windows, or simply establishing a consistent bedtime routine can make all the difference.
So if this course has helped you and your baby sleep better, I'm truly happy. If it hasn't been enough yet — please don't give up. You'll be receiving more helpful emails from us in the coming weeks, with new insights and tips. Deal?
Important Questions and Answers
1. Do babies really have to learn how to fall asleep?
To many, the idea of "learning to sleep" sounds strange — shouldn't it come naturally? But sleep is a skill, especially the ability to calm oneself and fall asleep independently. Think of it like learning to swim: some kids are naturals, while others need to take their time. In the end, they all master the basics — and benefit for life.
2. Do I have to completely wean my baby for them to sleep through the night?
No, learning to sleep doesn't mean you have to wean entirely. After we helped our youngest learn to sleep through the night using a gentle approach, I was still able to nurse her during the day and at bedtime.
3. When is my child ready to learn how to sleep through the night?
It's unrealistic to expect a newborn to sleep through the night like an adult. However, if your little one is still waking frequently at 10 to 12 months, there's often a pattern of sleep associations that can typically be addressed with a sleep learning program. A key milestone is around 6 months of age: most babies at that point need only one nighttime feed and are developmentally able to soothe themselves back to sleep.
4. What's the right method for my baby?
The best thing is to find a method that matches your parenting style and your baby's temperament. That's the only way you'll be able to stay consistent — and the only way your baby will (hopefully) learn to sleep with as few tears as possible. There simply isn't one perfect formula that works for every family. You as the parent know best what feels right for your child.
5. What's your personal experience?
With my fifth child, I spent what felt like miles of walking and countless hours in the nursery during her first six months. First came the midnight crying phases, then the early-morning wake-ups — and in between, I was breastfeeding every one to two hours.
By the time she was almost 6 months old, I was averaging less than five hours of sleep a night. That had become our normal. My husband and I knew something had to change.
So we began an attachment-based sleep approach — and we've never regretted it. After just a few days, her sleep improved significantly. She still woke occasionally, but usually only once a night — and then slept until 7 a.m. or even later. It felt like an absolute miracle.
I can't express how grateful and relieved I was. Not only did our nights improve — our days became so much brighter, too. I felt like a different person: happier, more energized, and far more patient with everyone in the family.
The Four Most Common Sleep Learning Methods
How can my beloved child learn to fall asleep and sleep through the night as gently and effectively as possible, without relying on me? In my consultations, I often recommend a combination of the attachment-based methods below, so that you can find the right balance between gentleness and effectiveness for your unique situation.
1. The "Fading" Method
A very gentle and gradual method — perfect for parents who want to avoid crying altogether and are willing to invest time and patience.
How it works: You continue helping your baby fall asleep (by nursing, rocking, holding, etc.), but over time, you gradually fade out your involvement — step by step until your baby can fall asleep on their own.
Good for: Babies as young as six weeks. Suitable for all babies and toddlers. Can be challenging with very mobile or strong-willed children.
2. The Pick-Up / Put-Down Method
Another gentle and loving method.
How it works: You complete your bedtime routine and put your baby down. If they start fussing or crying, you pick them up to comfort them. Once they are calm and sleepy again, you gently put them back in their bed. You repeat this until your baby finally falls asleep.
Good for: Babies as young as 6–8 weeks. Note: some babies get overstimulated by the constant pick-up/put-down cycle — observe closely how your baby responds.
3. The "Cry in Loving Arms" Method (CLA)
An attachment-based approach based on the work of developmental psychologist Dr. Aletha J. Solter.
How it works: You stop using exhausting distractions at bedtime. Instead, you calmly hold your child in your arms and allow them to express whatever they're feeling — through tears — without trying to stop or redirect the emotion. You provide loving presence and comforting words that acknowledge their feelings.
Sarah's experience: We used this method with our fifth child at six months. What I loved about it was the ability to truly be there for her in her frustration — and you often see progress toward better sleep very quickly.
4. The Chair Method
A good option for parents who feel that gentler approaches haven't worked — or who feel confident in handling their child's protest while staying close.
How it works: You place a chair next to your baby's crib. Once your bedtime routine is complete and your child is drowsy, you lay them down and sit quietly in the chair while they fall asleep. Over the course of several nights, you gradually move the chair farther from the crib until, eventually, you're outside the room.
Good for: Babies around 5.5–6 months and older. Especially useful for toddlers. Requires patience and consistency.
What's Next?
I encourage you to work through all five steps of this course in the intended order. Skipping a step often leads to disappointment — regardless of the method you choose.
But I think it's only fair that we as parents do everything we can to make the sleep learning process as gentle and connection-based as possible.
This is a starter course — there's much more available
These five steps cover the most important foundations. But every baby and every family situation is unique. If you need more personalized guidance — tailored to your child's specific sleep challenges, age, and temperament — our deeper programs, e-books, and personal consultations can take you much further. As a mom of seven, I know just how different babies, parenting philosophies, and family lives can be. You are the most qualified person to know what's right for your child.